“Beautiful, curvy redhead who has a weird amount of thoughts about snail farming and the best possible recipe for macaroni and cheese.”

”Literally the best part of my day. I love seeing you when I’m in town.”

”She makes me feel the same way I feel when I have a really, really fresh donut on a crisp fall day. In my heart and in my dick.”

“Really weirdly good at warhammer”

”Would not see me for free and caused my balls to turn into mozzarella”

“Hot, but a bitch”

“Really warm and inviting. Always a joy to see. Funny as hell.”

Words spoken by those I’ve met, I’ve loved, who’ve loved me, and those who do not expect me to greet them at the door with the idle question, the DELIGHTFUL question of ‘Okay, but what if I was a giant frog’? What then, boys? What if I was a giant frog? Am I still hot, but a bitch? Or am I a little more amhipbious than that?

More ‘giant frog lady’ than ‘cat lady’, but you get the drift.

If you are seeking a sextoy that makes ‘Oh ya! Mhm! So big!’ noises on repeat, I can do that. However, if you ARE wanting to meet someone who will make the coin-grabbing noises from Mario Kart every time you thrust, come right in.